Sunday, August 21, 2011

"It's over, frizz-head"

After 42 years of pretty uneventful rule, Muammar Gadhafi, aka Moamar Qaddafi, aka Frizz-head, has lost control of Libya. Now it's up to the North African strongman's elite cadre of sexy female bodyguards to protect him from the angry masses calling for his head.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Scumbag rabbi invites skeezball reverend to sketchfest riot party

Twenty years ago, in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn, a car being driven by a Hasidic Jew named Yosef Lifsh accidentally hit and killed a young Caribbean-American boy named Gavin Cato. As a way of memorializing young Gavin's tragic passing, the neighborhood's Caribbean-American and African-American populations launched three days of commemorative riots. Buildings and cars were torched, Jews were harassed and beaten, and a young rabbinical student who had nothing to do with Gavin's death was savagely murdered. (His killer, now free, still doesn't feel all that bad about stabbing Yankel Rosenbaum to death while shouting "get the Jew!")

Anyway, since an arbitrary number of years has now passed since the riots, we're apparently supposed to talk about them again. Which, under normal circumstances, would be fine.

Here's why it's not:

1) Nobody's actually talking about what happened. The theme of ethnic misunderstanding-cum-ethnic superunderstanding that predominates all Crown Heights Memorial Riot Conversations is the sort of kumbaya fare that, while establishing the premise for some great Disney sports movies, has nothing to do with the Crown Heights riots. The real, far less sexy, far more third rail-y triggers were as obvious then as they are now: herd mentality, xenophobia, antisemitism, and Al Sharpton. Which brings me to the next problem.

2) Al Sharpton. As Crown Heights burned, the MSNBC host and sometime reverend delivered a eulogy at Gavin Cato's funeral helpfully reminding the assembled masses that the Jews were responsible for Gavin's death. (Er, sorry, the "diamond dealers.") Despite this and other "gaffes," Marc Schneier, the serial adulterer and sometime rabbi, invited Mr. Sharpton to speak at his Hampton Synagogue panel discussion, A Morally Bankrupt Greaseball Capitalizes on Tragedy: Twenty Years After Crown Heights State of Black-Jewish Relations: Twenty Years after Crown Heights. (Update: Schneier has now been forced to cancel the event.)

3) We shouldn't be memorializing riots anyway. Gavin Cato and Yankel Rosenbaum deserve better.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Officially trending: Peeing in front of your fellow airline passengers

First there was this guy, Robert "Sandy" Dietze, an 18-year-old U.S. Ski Team development squad member who, after consuming eight alcoholic beverages on an Oregon-NY redeye, relieved himself on the leg of an 11-year-old girl. As the callous tyrants who run the Ski Team do not consider "blaming it on the a-a-a-alcohol" a legitimate defense, they decided to boot him.

And now there's this guy.

That's right: Gerard frikkin Depardieu is also an alcohol-induced airplane cabin urinator! Nobody needed to tell his fellow passengers to Get Out Your Handkerchiefs. Not even The Woman Next Door. I wonder how proud Katherine Heigl is of My Father, the Hero, though who knows what this will do to his Green Card prospects.

La Vie en Rose.

h/t weatherscoot

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Gay bug infects (another) homophobic Republican

Meet Indiana state Rep. Phillip Hinkle.

Earlier this year, Rep. Hinkle voted in favor of a state constitutional amendment that would defend normal straight marriage from the fearsome (and fierce) hah-ma-sexuals, or in liberal-speak, "ban gay marriage." And then something happened. Like so so so many before him, this valiant straight marriage warrior fell victim to the very scourge that he had spent his entire career trying to vanquish: gayness.

Here's how it went down. Last Saturday, the 64-year-old married father of two met 18-year-old Kameryn Gibson through craigslist; Gibson was looking for a "sugga daddy" and Hinkle was happy to oblige, "but [just] for tonight" (which was probably his immune system's way of fighting back against the gay). Hinkle then picked the teen up from his home and brought him to a local Marriott. On arriving, Gibson quickly changed his mind and that's when things got dicey.

There are a lot of unfortunate elements to this story, but perhaps most unfortunate was the choice of hotel. The Mormon-owned Marriott is the only major American hotel chain that doesn't offer pornography as part of its pay-per-view menu. Which may be why Hinkle had such a tough time trying to seduce his prey. (Not so easy when all you have playing in the background is TBS.)

Very unfortunate.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Republican governors smart enough to know that Republican tax policies are stupid

Brace yourselves: when Mitt Romney was governor of Massachusetts, he raised taxes. Seriously. A Republican. Raising taxes. Can you believe it?

Fortunately for his state, Romney was able to use those tax increases to persuade the almighty bean counters at S&P to upgrade Massachusetts' credit rating from AA- to AA.

A few years later, Sarah Palin did the exact same thing.

These are good things.

And yet both of these Republicans opposed the debt ceiling deal because it involves, you guessed it, higher taxes.

Moral of the story: it's much harder to practice Republican economics than it is to talk Republican economics.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Obama unsure where Jerusalem is

If you happen to learn your geography from the Obama White House's online photo archives, this would be the extent of your knowledge of Jerusalem: it's a place with buildings that people have visited.

But where it is...

Hey, maybe candidate Obama of 2008, speaking to a group of Israel supporters from whom he would like some money and if it's not too much trouble also maybe some votes, knows where Jerusalem is:
"And Jerusalem will remain the capital of Israel, and it must remain undivided."
Hmm. So in 2008, Jerusalem was in Israel but in 2011 it's somewhere else?

Or could it be that Jerusalem...moves? Like the island on Lost? Where Netanyahu is Jacob and Abbas is the Man in Black (or vice versa, depending on your own personal brand of hummus)? And the Israelis are the Oceanic survivors and the Palestinians are the Others (or, again, vice versa)? If this analogy holds, we're in for a pretty boring, inexplicable, anticlimactic, and all-around bad finale.

By the way, Obama's explanation for this where-in-the-world-is-Jerusalem business is, well...Bush did it too! (Read: and he's an actual supporter of Israel.) Just sayin', maybe not the best move for a guy struggling, often justifiably, with a "bumbling Mideast neophyte" image problem.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Iran would like to investigate UK's "human rights violations"

With the London riots now claiming their second casualty (Prime Minister David Cameron's Tuscan holiday), Iran has a request:
"Deputy Head of the Iranian parliament's National Security and Foreign Policy Commission Hossein Ebrahimi...requested from the British government to allow an Iranian human rights delegation to visit the country, and 'study human rights violations.'"
Probably so they can improve their own human rights violations.

h/t jjackson